He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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