Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
