Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
