And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
