That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
