It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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