yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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