i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
