Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
