this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
