Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
