Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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