I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
