he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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