I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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