If i come over, it means nothing
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
