Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
