Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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