so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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