We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
