The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
