Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
