I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
her vagine was all disorganized.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
