Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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