kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
