shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
