I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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