Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
