Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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