Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
