YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
