dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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