...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
