We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
