woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
