At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
