Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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