the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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