people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
