Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
