you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
A bitchslap is in order.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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