You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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