God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
