i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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