I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
