I swear she didn't look like that last week.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
