she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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