I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
