What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
