Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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