He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
