fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
