Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
