So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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