I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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